Calendars -
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My work and life has morphed into one.

Or rather, I’ve subsumed my entire life into just, work.

I used to have multiple email accounts. One that I use for everything else — online purchases, registering of new accounts, signing up for useless newsletters, etc. The other, I use it for the sake of having extra space on Google Drive, and for having a nice username. I wanted something I could resonate with and something less serious.

I have another email account registered under my alma mater, which I have only used it professionally during my last year as a student for job search purposes. The other times I had proper use for the account was when it was time to pay my school fees, submit an assignment, or to check the release of my exam results. Very functional.

And June came. Work life began.

Naturally, as someone who enjoys organising, I decided to make life easier by parking all the appointments and information I would ever need reminding for under my work email. Which dawned on me after a month or two that that was a pretty bad move because I could no longer distinguish between work and everything else.

What was meant to distinguish ended up confusing me. The colours of different calendars served little to no purpose as they jumbled up my schedule. I could no longer see what I had on days until I opened up the little columns to see what was underneath the other irrelevant (read: stuff that didn’t concern me) notices. Gone were the days where I struggled to fill up my calendar to make myself seem productive. I now dread the idea of opening up the calendar app because it only reminded me that there was more work after work. And everything else personal fell underneath those work things.

I had originally set up two calendars under my work email meant for my eyes only — one for work-related notices and the other for personal appointments. But these days I would rather much rely on memory than use the latter calendar set up for personal use. Arranging any appointments under my Alvina [Personal] calendar was futile since I could not see the events I’d arranged under the other 6 calendars I followed. And I too, refuse to schedule days with my loved ones under my work email, because it does seem like yet another work thing.

I was told that none of my employers could ever own me. Marx said it. He advised against employees, like you and I, from becoming mere appendages of the machine. We’re supposed to participate in activities that enable self-fulfilment, not self-alienation. Labouring excessively and working long hours outside of stipulated work hours promotes alienation, according to Marx. It robs us the time needed for us to live our best lives and invest in ourselves. Basically whatever that makes us, us. I completely understand that.

But everything I’ve studied in theory has been consistently challenged and many times refuted upon stepping into this adulting thing. Whatever fire I had in me to right the wrongs I had vowed to do so has somewhat diminished.

I know, it has only been 3 months. But why do I feel so jaded?

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